undo

You are the only one who undo what I've become...

this is pretty much all that I say.

Its too late for a lot of things.

A future undefined
Merely dreams, a brass ring
Life
Wake, work, wait
Wake, work, wait
Wake, work, weep
A faith given at birth
Not nearly tested
Pray
Wish, want, wait
Wish, want, wait
Wish, want, weep
Something constant
Struggling to find
LOVE
Where, when, wait
Where, when, wait
Where, when, weep
A future undefined

complete...

over analyzing any situation will lead to no action. That could be an my M.O. Something that I'd like to stop doing, at least for certain things. Even after all that time has past I've struggled to let things go and forgive myself. All the outlets to get my mind off of it, only led to more thinking about where I am now, and where I'd like to be. After this weekend, the feeling of brokeness, has in fact slowly gone away, and I know its a process like everything else.

To be honest:

I wish I could go back in time and change things
I wish I could be that person you saw before,
I wish I fit in the puzzle
I wish I never broke it
I wish for a new beginning, if you'd let me

Don't know if my actions, as of late, have reflected the words, the prayers, the intentions, I can only hope that You can forgive me, so I can feel like I can forgive myself...

Trying to step into the Light, so you can see YOU in me.

and the year comes to an end

i could list the things that happened, that didn't, that should've happened
at the end of the day or year, you hope that you've grown or done the things that you wanted to do.

I wish i could say that was true, well the way I measure it, I came up short. I guess that's the way life is sometimes...what you put in, is what you get out. The advise, is often heard, but never heeded. I guess I never got over that fear, so I find things to take my mind off of it. To that same end, I'll isolate myself, cause its what I've always done; I've gotten pretty good at the masks, the walls, etc.

So it would seem that my resolution, is pretty transparent. But, I don't think its worth making.

Here's to 2008...

looking back at the hands of time...

...seeing what i left behind...
i've been doing that a lot lately. As much as I want to let things go, I don't think I've really forgiven myself. I thought I could change things, make things better, but for who...
Its a broken record repeating itself
time for an upgrade
but at what expense



...

reminders

sometimes when you're cleaning, you happen to find something that stirs an memory and for the moment, any number of emotions could come about. for me, its wondering if i could've done something different, tried that much harder, but things happen for a reason...would i be in the same place in my life...am i supposed to be where i am now...trying to keep myself occupied with other things makes me think that im avoiding things or just THE thing. I say that im being selfish, but people say that i deserve to be happy too. The walls never really go away, but you find the people to help you break them.

i think that's enough for now.

rebuild, restart....

its a long time coming...
liwanagatuci.com back up
rally dvd on the way
10 years of LOG
a brand new set of faces, seeing the familiar ones

this might be a start of more posts, or a reason for people to ask

i might not have the right words but i promise i'll try

that is all

its that time again

some like the spotlight
i'd rather avoid it

im thankful for all the blessings that i have in my life, for the opportunities that i have, and the things that i have yet to do

but where do i go from here

things need to be said

things need to be found out and resolved

i need to forgive myself

i miss you

game of life::move 5 spaces

i think i might just do that...

Everything has been a calculated risk; weigh the pros and cons; enjoying the safety of my "comfort-zone."

if i need something extra to get my feet moving to a beat, i'll take it.
i shouldn't care about what other people think, but i do.

i need/want something to change.

"And if you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans."

my random post

sometime u just have to stop

All this running makes me tired, its when you stop and no one catches you that hurts. but that all depends if you running in the right direction. This IS my transition, one that's long overdue. Its only a "rat race" if you make it one...

...and with age comes wisdom...

Apparently being the alumni of any group, makes you "smarter" or "wiser" to the younger folk...I wish I had all the answers, or believed I am as wise or smart as you think I am. In any case, I know that all you graduating seniors will be ok...whether you are staying or going, working or schooling {is that even a word?} just use the gifts He's given you and you'll be fine...All the wisdom in the world can't measure to HIS and HIS love for you.

this is only a test

insight pt2

I've put myself in the same position...despite how hard I try not to.let go. Life can't be "what ifs" and "should haves". So cliche but true. The truth is I don't know why or when or how. You can't help the way you feel sometimes. If all i give is a smile, would i get one in return. I can't talk. If I tried harder, would you still be there. I've built so many walls to keep everything in, to keep myself from getting hurt. The emotions I have you don't see; the questions I ask because I don't know, but would like to

insight

sight is often taken for granted...

how do u feel when you see
that someone
a baby
friends
family




yourself

sometimes you feel like you don't measure up, or don't accept the credit that you deserve, if you look at yourself through HIS eyes, you wouldn't doubt, you wouldn't compare...you'd believe

there is a difference between not being boastful with the gifts you have been given, and denying that you have them

insight comes at different times and from different people...
it may take a long drive and someone to keep you awake to be aware of it

....

how are u?
....ok
what's new?
....nothing really

silence.

why is it so difficult to speak? despite the genuine feeling behind the questions, the answers aren't. i've always stood on my own, more like internalized everything. If i felt like letting go, HE will catch me...but i can't fall...i might have catch someone...or i think i do...i try to be the dependable one...its the one part of me that i don't want to lose, despite the trials it brings; but its brings joy too

how are u?
...actually, i'm....
what's new?
...a lot, do you have a minute...

time for me to speak.

part one of two

sushi and mochi ice cream

We all need a break sometime...
just a day to clear your head...
and catch up with a friend...

Thanks Toni Rose =D

My goal is to have a better story for you; or even explain that random comment i made, but that will have to wait till i can explain it myself.

a melting candle

these past couple of weeks seem to be the hardest yet. Yes, work is going to busy; Yes, moving is really irritating esp. when you have to sort through boxes; Yes, spirit rally is getting close and videos are uncompressed sitting a hard drive

I am a candle being burnt from both ends...
maybe i put myself in this situation...
i wish i could give more the part of my life that rite now feels like its not...

i wish i could be honest, with everything, and just let go

maybe the melting will lead to something new...only time will tell

...leaning against a wall that i can't push over...

itunes makes a suggestion

my ipod is interesting mix

latest addition is: The Swift

http://www.myspace.com/theswift

i like it, but my opinion isn't very much cause i'll listen to almost anything

give because HE gave

i know its not much, but i'll try to give you all i can...you may not know it; you might not take it, but i'll give just the same. its really all that i can do, its something i've always done maybe too much, maybe not enough. i wish i believed in myself enough to give what i REALLY need to, rather than give what's expected.